Pick Two

Happiness

I Believe I Will

Is There A War Going On?

Leisure Time

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yells to her husband, “You need a piece of tail.”

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,

“Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite…”

What's The Perfect Length For Your Man?

Birthdays Are Fun!

A Kentucky State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'

The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And her, what is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ... And nothing obscene is happening!

The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

The trooper asks: 'And her .... what's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in exactly 11 minutes.. '

It's A Chamber Of Commerce Kind Of Day

This Is What You Need When You Date Fat Chicks

Owned Pt. 4

Owned Pt. 3

Owned Pt. 2

Owned

Aromatherapy

Sometimes, This olelongrooffan Can't Think Of A Title

While Fishing Is

not one of the favorite things for this olelongrooffan to do, I may just take it up.

Especially if this is the result.

Sometimes This olelongrooffan Feels This Way

Potentially Or Realistically

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, “Dad , what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically ?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The girl replied, “Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt, I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

“Of course,' the brother replied. “Do you know what a million bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?”

The boy replied, “Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on three million dollars . But 'Realistically' , we're just living with two hookers and a queer.”

Dating in 1961

thanks Jonco

Only In Florida

FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focus

BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com

As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.

Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said.

Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him, traveling about 45 mph, which was within the speed limit, Dunick said.

Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said.

"She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' "

Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said.

Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Judy was not charged.

Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said.

"My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."