Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Brass Pole

video

Remember Hollywood Squares?

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes.

These great questions and answers are from the days when' Hollywood
Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they
are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q.Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q.True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q.According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
youthink that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if
he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q.In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q.What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.



Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.


Q.Paul, why do Hell's Angel s wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q.In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q.During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q.Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q.When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q.According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q.It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A.. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q.Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q.Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Let's Go To Vegas

A man goes out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to The green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club
away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!

He hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog,

"Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, heh?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!

Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,

"OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says,

"OK frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,

"What do you think I Should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across The table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.

He sits the frog down and says,

"Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies,

"Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl.

"And that is how the girl ended up in My room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."

Ken Block Moves To Ford And Hitler Is Pissed

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Hell With PETA

"I like a bacon cheeseburger because it's nice to know at least two separate animals died to satisfy my hunger."

Yeah, PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals.

Thanks FrankJ.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Yeah, I'm A Car Guy

If you follow my other blog, By The Numbers, you know I am a car guy.

Well, this week is the North American International Auto Show and every blog I have been following has covered it in detail.

The funniest thing is that Jonco, over at Bits and Pieces, found something they all missed.

Thanks for outscooping all of them Jonco.

Technology For Dummies

click on the image for these old eyes.

Just For The Little Princess

Monday, January 4, 2010

I Know The Holidays Are Over But

I just had to post one last Holiday item.


Oh Yeah?

for those of us old enough to remember...

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Generation Gap

double click on image to enlarge for these old eyes

thanks Hooniverse