Hey CDM, not just Guiness, but Foster's has gotten in on it too!!Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Hurricane Supplies
So this olelongrooffan has been getting a ration of shit from some of you Counters out there that my choice of Hurricane Supplies is too one dimensional.
Well, earlier today I was over at my favorite supplier of Hurricane Supplies and picked up this survival kit should any of you need to evacuate to the Taj Mahal, just two short blocks from the Atlantic Ocean, this hurricane season.
Well, earlier today I was over at my favorite supplier of Hurricane Supplies and picked up this survival kit should any of you need to evacuate to the Taj Mahal, just two short blocks from the Atlantic Ocean, this hurricane season.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
While Fishing Is
not one of the favorite things for this olelongrooffan to do, I may just take it up.
Especially if this is the result.
Especially if this is the result.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Potentially Or Realistically
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, “Dad , what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically ?”
The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”
So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”
The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The girl replied, “Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt, I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?”
The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
“Of course,' the brother replied. “Do you know what a million bucks would buy?”
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?”
The boy replied, “Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on three million dollars . But 'Realistically' , we're just living with two hookers and a queer.”
The father thought for a moment, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”
So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”
The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The girl replied, “Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt, I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?”
The boy then went to his brother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
“Of course,' the brother replied. “Do you know what a million bucks would buy?”
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, “Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?”
The boy replied, “Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on three million dollars . But 'Realistically' , we're just living with two hookers and a queer.”
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Hallmark Gone Bad
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder.....
"What the hell was I thinking?"
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...
I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!(Available only in Tennessee,Kentucky & West Virginia)
Happy birthday! You look great for your age....
Almost Lifelike!
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?
I'm so miserable without you...
it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
Your friends and I wanted to dosomething special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder.....
"What the hell was I thinking?"
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you...
I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!(Available only in Tennessee,Kentucky & West Virginia)
Happy birthday! You look great for your age....
Almost Lifelike!
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.
We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?
I'm so miserable without you...
it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
Your friends and I wanted to dosomething special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
Just A few Quick Ones
When Love Fades
A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen..
"What would you like for dinner, Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
"Fuck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.!!
Lemon Pickers Wanted !!
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Charlie Crist."
Italian Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to
have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy
level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves .... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen..
"What would you like for dinner, Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
"Fuck You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.!!
Lemon Pickers Wanted !!
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!
"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Charlie Crist."
Italian Bread
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to
have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy
level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves .... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
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