Gotta Love The Church Ladies

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
------------ --------- --------- ----- ------ ------------ -----
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'